{"id":553,"date":"2014-08-13T16:38:54","date_gmt":"2014-08-13T23:38:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/?p=553"},"modified":"2014-08-13T16:38:54","modified_gmt":"2014-08-13T23:38:54","slug":"baby-steps","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/2014\/08\/baby-steps\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby Steps"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the things I’ve been working on with my therapist is learning to slow down, so my response isn’t laminated to my reactions. We can’t control our reactions; we can control how we respond to those reactions.<\/p>\n

\"little<\/a><\/p>\n

On Monday I took the bus downtown to meet up with some friends. I sat toward the rear, facing forward, and wore earbuds (which are bright blue). A few stops later, a man got on the bus. He came to the back and sat across from me, on a bench that faced the middle.<\/p>\n

I could almost predict what would happen next. I turned toward him, and he started talking to me.<\/p>\n

Him: “Hi. Didn’t I see you on the bus yesterday?”
\nI pause the podcast I’m listening to and take the earbud out.
\nMe: “No. No you didn’t.”
\nHim: “So I couldn’t have met you before?”
\nMe: “No. No you couldn’t.”
\nHim: “What’s your name?”
\nAt this point in the conversation, my stomach starts to clench. Because I know<\/strong> this is coming. And every time a man asks me, I tell him. And then I hate myself for it. But I am learning to pay attention to what I want. And what I want is definitely NOT to give him my name.
\nSo I say, “I don’t want to tell you that.”
\nI’ve disrupted the social script. He doesn’t know how to respond. He falls silent.<\/p>\n

I turn away from him and face the front again. I turn my podcast back on. A stop later, he moves up a seat. A young woman sits next to him. <\/p>\n

I like being friendly. I like talking to people. On the bus, even! But for the short duration of a bus ride, no one needs to know my name. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends my story.<\/p>\n

\"Share<\/a>