{"id":926,"date":"2017-06-25T10:48:56","date_gmt":"2017-06-25T17:48:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/?p=926"},"modified":"2017-06-25T10:48:56","modified_gmt":"2017-06-25T17:48:56","slug":"invisible-fences","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/2017\/06\/invisible-fences\/","title":{"rendered":"Invisible Fences"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I want to talk a little bit about going to SFF conventions and workshops. The first workshop I ever went to, my dear friend Camille told me, \u201cThere are a lot of people here who\u2019ve known each other for a long time. They are excited to see each other and hang out. They aren\u2019t exclusive, but it doesn\u2019t occur to them to actively include or invite new people in. But if you go up to people and introduce yourself, they will welcome you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That is some of the best advice I\u2019ve ever gotten. <\/p>\n<p><a data-flickr-embed=\"true\"  href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/jillbertini\/4065952937\/in\/photolist-imZqjV-9vzCm4-7ci59R-5ZxoQ4\" title=\"autumn leaves swirly fence\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/c1.staticflickr.com\/3\/2518\/4065952937_6b9ca7aedb.jpg\" width=\"375\" height=\"500\" alt=\"autumn leaves swirly fence\"><\/a><script async src=\"\/\/embedr.flickr.com\/assets\/client-code.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>When I first started exploring the SFF communities, I knew no one. I felt like no one. I thought everyone knew each other and didn\u2019t want to know me. It turned out I was wrong. I started by going to small, one-day writing workshops, where I connected with one or two people. Over time, they introduced me to more people. I got braver. I started to feel like MAYBE I belonged. I listened to the advice not to self-reject. I kept working on my writing, I kept applying to workshops, and then last year I got accepted to Viable Paradise.<\/p>\n<p>Last weekend I was at a small convention in Minneapolis. The main draw for me was to reconnect with the friends I\u2019d made last fall. Suddenly I had switched sides of the invisible fence. I didn\u2019t realize it, until it was pointed out. There were people who were new to the community, new to going to conventions, and they were feeling like I used to feel.<\/p>\n<p>I try to remember Camille\u2019s advice, especially since I\u2019m on the other side. I look for people hanging on the edges and try to invite them in. If you are new to cons, most people are there because they want to connect. If they don\u2019t want to connect, they won\u2019t be in public spaces. <\/p>\n<p>Now that I\u2019m further inside\/know more people, I try to remember what it felt like to be new. I don\u2019t feel like I have more wisdom or knowledge, even though on some level I do. I understand that the more visible a person is, the more they attract new people who are hungry to know how they got there.<\/p>\n<p>So here\u2019s my advice:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Feel free to approach people in public spaces<\/li>\n<li>Listen and get a feel for the people or person<\/li>\n<li>Do not chase them if they get up to leave. They probably have a reason. I know an editor who had a writer pass her a manuscript under a bathroom stall.<\/li>\n<li>If you know people, and there are new folks, try to invite them to join you. Or introduce one new person to someone you know. Or introduce yourself to a new person.<\/li>\n<li>I am an extrovert. I don\u2019t have social anxiety. Even for me, it can be scary and intimidating to talk to someone new. I often feel awkward and am certain everyone can see my tentacles quivering. I think most people feel this way. Or at least, I tell myself that.<\/li>\n<li>If you don\u2019t have anything to say, THAT IS OKAY. Don\u2019t feel like you have to talk if you aren\u2019t ready.<\/li>\n<li>The first workshop I went to, I made a goal to talk to ONE PERSON. Over a three-day period. I did it. Courage is rewarded.<\/li>\n<li>If you don\u2019t find the people you are looking for in one place, KEEP TRYING. It took me years to build the community I have now. I didn\u2019t find them all in one place. I had to look in many places, and not the places I expected to.<\/li>\n<li>You will get many chances. It\u2019s not a one-and-done. If you are feeling discouraged, try again.<\/li>\n<li>One thing that has helped me is finding other writers on Twitter. When I know someone I\u2019ve met on Twitter is going to be somewhere in real life, I like to ask if I can say hi and chat with them in person.<\/li>\n<li>There are lots of ways to do something, and you ultimately have to figure out the way that is best for you. If it\u2019s a buddy system, do that! There are people you will find something in common with, and there are people who you won\u2019t connect with.<\/li>\n<li>If you are an old hat, or know more than three people at a con, try to remember what it felt like when you first started going.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>What strategies have worked for you? What would you wish there was more of?<\/p>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_pop\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/button100x23.png\" style=\"border:0px; width:100; height: 23; \" alt=\"Share Button\" \/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Reddit\",\"Print\");var hupso_icon_type = \"labels\";var hupso_background=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url=\"\";var hupso_title=\"Invisible%20Fences\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I want to talk a little bit about going to SFF conventions and workshops. The first workshop I ever went to, my dear friend Camille told me, \u201cThere are a lot of people here who\u2019ve known each other for a long time. They are excited to see each other and hang out. They aren\u2019t exclusive, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_pop\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/button100x23.png\" style=\"border:0px; width:100; height: 23; \" alt=\"Share Button\" \/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Reddit\",\"Print\");var hupso_icon_type = \"labels\";var hupso_background=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url=\"\";var hupso_title=\"Invisible%20Fences\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div>","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[193,169,13],"class_list":["post-926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing","tag-advice","tag-conventions","tag-writing-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/926","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/32"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=926"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/926\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":928,"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/926\/revisions\/928"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.slowbloom.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}