On the internet, no one can hear you scream

This post is about dreams. I know, rule #2991480932 of the Internet: DON’T TELL ANYONE YOUR DREAMS. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT. So, you’ve been duly warned. I’m going to talk about dreams.

Ivar's clam

I have had recurring dreams nightmares for pretty much all of my adult life. There are two themes. In the first one, I’m leaving on a trip. I get to the airport. I don’t have my passport. I’m always going somewhere that requires a passport. I don’t have enough time to get my passport before my flight leaves.

In the second type, I’m experiencing some kind of danger. It’s always vague, but present. I’m always paralyzed and incapable of getting out of harm’s way.

Except, something has changed. Several months ago I had the travel dream, right up to panicking about the passport. When I checked my bag, the passport was in it.

This morning I had the second dream. Except instead of being unable to flee, I got on my bicycle and rode up an insanely steep hill. And I stood up on my pedals (which I’m currently terrified of doing, because the last time I did that, when I was ten, I fell off my bike and scarred my knee for life).

Something has shifted, and it’s showing up in my dreams. I’m not so afraid of what the world is going to fling at me. So bring it on.

For those of you who read to the end, bless your hearts. To the rest of you, well, bless your hearts, too.

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12 thoughts on “On the internet, no one can hear you scream

  1. ranger

    I have similar stress dreams, although the travel dream revolves around trying desperately to get to the airport on time. My other one is always about tornadoes. This particular one is a sign that I need to step back and figure out what the heck is bothering me, and I heed the sign.

    I think it’s cool that you found your passport this go around!

    p.s. how do you never stand on your pedals? I rarely ride without doing that. I know it’s a bad habit, but…

    1. slowbloom Post author

      Thanks Ranger!

      I don’t think it’s a bad habit to stand on your pedals. Is it? I just either push harder with my legs to get up hills, or I get off and walk my bike. 😛

  2. Brenna Layne

    Oooh, I love it when dreams change! Once I yelled at the wolves that had been trying to eat me for years. That felt good. I wonder what this dreamchange means for you…..

    1. slowbloom Post author

      That is amazing! And yeah, I had a dream last week where I was trying to say something, and everyone was talking and not paying attention, and I stood up and yelled, “BE QUIET!” and everyone got quiet. Woo hoo!

  3. Kristy (@ScrivK)

    I have recurring dreams/nightmares as well, I am always battling demons, and I mean epic battles of will and magic. They are always terrifying and they never come to an end. I always just wake up at some point.

    I think it’s awesome that they’ve shifted and you feel more powerful in them (and in life it seems)!

    1. slowbloom Post author


      That is awful. I had dreams like that for many, many years. The intensity of the nightmares has decreased as I’ve gotten older, but this is a new shift. I hope yours change, too.

      And yes! It’s true!

  4. Rebecca

    Wow. This is so cool, Jill. I have recurring nightmares, too (no one wants to read about them here, of course!), but have never been able to shift them the way you have. I’ve been able to wake myself from them sometimes, which is one step, but the idea of changing them is powerful. That says good things about your psyche, I think!

    1. slowbloom Post author

      Thank you, Rebecca! I have to admit I’m taken aback by how many of my friends also have recurring nightmares. I’d always thought it was kids who suffered from nightmares, but in my experience, mine got worse when I was in my 20s. They’ve definitely gotten less intense and don’t occur as frequently, but this is a significant shift and I’m very excited about it.

      Therapy has been critical to this process. It’s interesting to see it appearing in my dreams!

  5. Lou Knight

    That’s fantastic Jill, you’ve overcome what scared you – I especially like the passport dream (being in your bag all along, suggesting what you need you already have).

    I’ve had a very intense period of nightmares this year and find it goes in cycles, the last time was in my 20s. It think we go through larger cycles of change and dreams seem part of that, talking only from experience, not referencing any book or person!

    Great post 🙂

    1. slowbloom Post author

      Thank you so much! I like the passport dream, too. Yes. I already have what I need, it’s just a matter of trusting that. And believe me, that is showing up more and more!

      Oh interesting on the cycle of nightmares. I was hoping that mine would continue to taper. Well, I will take it one dream at a time :).

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