Sniffing butts

buddha's manicure

An interesting phenomenon occurs while abroad when two travelers meet. When I am at home and meet someone new, there is a set list of questions that occur. It’s the equivalent of two dogs meeting, sniffing one another’s asses and trying to figure out who’s the alpha. Almost immediately after learning someone’s name, the very next question that’s asked is about employment, because that is how people are valued in our culture. Rarely does the conversation turn to asking what you enjoy, and if it does, there’s a sheepishness about it, as if pursuing what you enjoy is frivolous and a waste of one’s time.

Outside the country, however, you learn where people are from, how long they are traveling, and most interesting to me, where they’ve been. You swap notes and compare experiences, share little things you’ve learned along the way that might lubricate the other person’s trip. Where a sort of competitiveness arises in the US, when I was abroad I found nothing but a sense of co-operation and willingness to help.

I’m trying to imagine having this sort of exchange with someone new here in the US. Even if we didn’t literally talk about travel, what if when we met, we could share what we’ve learned from where we’ve been and learn from others about what they’ve learned from where they’ve been? How might that shape our identity on both the individual level as well as community and even national level?

I have found one exception to this: the community of writers with which I am becoming engaged. We share what we’ve learned with one another, encourage each other and urge one another on. It’s my desire to have this in every aspect of my life.

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4 thoughts on “Sniffing butts

  1. ranger

    I find that interesting, because I most commonly ask people some version of “what are you passionate about?” or “what’s your thing?” That often leads to a conversation along the lines of, “Oh, then you probably know X–she’s really into that too.” And if s/he doesn’t know X, then I pass along their contact info.

    1. slowbloom Post author

      That is awesome! Clearly I need to change up my tactics. And it’s true that when I do find out there’s an overlap with the person I’m talking to, my first impulse is always to connect them :). It’s why I became a librarian.

  2. The Good Luck Duck

    You remind me of a man I met on the street who first told me he had just visited the food pantry, and second asked me what my passion is. He didn’t drop it, either. We’d chat about other things, then he’d ask me again.

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